The Ryanair Fat Tax

It had to happen eventually.

We've all been there. You have just squeezed your bag into the overhead compartment - and sat down to get comfortable in your seat on the plane - your tiny amount of private space for the next few hours. You glance up. Walking down the centre aisle is a man that resembles Andre the Giant. He is as wide as he is tall. Your mind starts ticking over - "God don't let him be next to me" - but then he stops - gives you a little nod - and then proceeds to spill over half your seat as he plonks his backside down. You remain trapped - unable to move your arm. He can't lower the food tray down - instead opting just to balance his dinner on his belly.

And now the solution....

Ryanair!

I can't help loathing Ryanair at the best of times. They have an amazing ability to make a £14.99 flight suddenly shoot up to £200. You will need to pay for insurance, taxes, booking fee, check-in fee, baggage fee. Soon they will have a fee for breathing in and breathing out.

Now in a bid to appease its loyal cheap flight fan base and increase profit at the same time - they plan to introduce a fat tax. Admittedly, their terms so far are for extremely obese people - 130kgs for a man and 100kgs for a woman. I am just trying to imagine the process where someone has to stand on weighing scales in full view of other passengers to determine how much fat tax they need to pay. Not at all degrading.

I see both sides to the argument. Nobody wants to be crushed in their seat by some buffet-addicted sweatbox. Why don't we just shove them in the luggage compartment though while we're at it.

Whatever your views - take a look at Ryanair.com and vote in their poll.

Mood Music - 23 Apr 2009

"Way Down In The Hole" by The Blind Boys Of Alabama from the album Spirit of the Century.

Sonny Landham & Ke Huy Quan

Last weekend I had the pleasure of meeting two people who starred in a couple of my favourite films from the 1980s - Sonny Landham and Ke Huy Quan.

I know what you're thinking. Who??

Well as anybody in their late 20s and 30s can attest - the 80s has a wealth of nostalgic classics. The cheesy rock ballad anthems, the big shoulder-pad clothing, the focus on story rather than special effects. Ahh memories. The uber-geek in me emerged a while back when I attended a Lost Boys reunion. Lets put it this way - Corey Feldman looked the same, Corey Haim did not.

So back to Landham and Quan. Sonny Landham would be most familiar to people as Billy from Predator. For those who haven't seen Predator - firstly what planet are you on - secondly he played the native-American in Arnold Schwarzenegger's band of mercenaries caught up in fighting the Predator. This was the ultimate machismo action flick - it spawned a sequel and then the Alien Versus Predator franchise.

Landham was brilliant in the role. Whilst Arnie takes most of the kudos - and rightly so - who doesn't want to scream "Get To The Choppaaaaaaaaa!" anytime you watch it - the other actors made it the total package. Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, Jesse Ventura, Richard Chaves and Sonny Landham all had distinctive traits that made them a kick-ass team.

Aside from appearing in Miami Vice and the A-Team, Landham went on to become a politician in Kentucky. And a slightly controversial one at that. He probably wouldn't be welcome in the Arab world anytime soon.

The man has a handshake that crushes every bone - but a laugh that fills a room. He clearly knows he is physically imposing yet is welcoming and friendly. He joked about the competitiveness amongst the actors whilst filming - who could lift the most weights (Arnie) and who had the biggest arms (Arnie). I found him to be a genuine guy - honest and outspoken.

Ke Huy Quan isn't a household name either. But he starred in two iconic films - The Goonies and Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom.

He played Harrison Ford's cheeky sidekick Short Round and perhaps more memorably - Data in the The Goonies.

I have lost count of how many times I have seen The Goonies - usually it's on each Christmas. Data was a brilliant character - with his James Bond-style gadgets. Quan himself came across as a very polite man. He spoke about the continued possibility of a Goonies sequel. Apparently the delays have been centred around Warner Brothers concerns over it making a profit. I think I speak on behalf of a generation when I say that shouldn't be a problem. Part of me hopes they don't make it - as if in some way they will mess it up - like they did with Indiana Jones.

I have been fortunate enough to meet Chunk (Jeff Cohen), Mikey (Sean Astin), Mouth (Corey Feldman) and now Data from the Goonies. Each of them were still in awe of how loved the film is - almost 25 years after its production. Quan still looks youthful - and had a hopeful look that he would get to reprise the role one more time.

Sonny Landham and Ke Huy Quan. Two men who weren't the lead actors - but two men who played key parts in 80s film classics.

Pure dislike

I am about to sit down and watch the FA Cup semi-final between Arsenal and Chelsea. I hate both teams, and don't really care who wins. I guess in some way I might get to see one set of supporters crying afterwards.

Mood Music - 18 Apr 2009

"Back In Black" by AC/DC from the album Back In Black.

Grand National 2009

It's the biggest race of the British calendar. The one day where those who would never even look at horse racing, will decide to place a bet.

It's tradition. It's excitement.

So with a field of 40 horses who do we choose? Here are my picks:

From the field of favourites I would go for Rambling Minster at 10/1 and Black Apalachi at 15/1.

I am trekking in Nepal and Tibet this year so I would also go for Himalayan Trail at 28/1.

My rank outside follows the journalism lines with Fleet Street at 125/1.

Whoever you have a punt on - good luck and enjoy the race.

Madonna Turns To Jesus

I can't be the only one who thinks that a relationship between people named Madonna and Jesus is an odd thing.

Even more scary is that fact that she is old enough to be his mother!

Protests in London

The protests were up and running yesterday in London.

As Gordon Brown, Barack Obama and the other world leaders tucked into fancy food and champagne, the protesters and police clashed violently.

The G20 meeting taking place in London is essential if the world powers are going to resolve the current economic crisis. But you just can't beat a bit of old fashioned protesting can you?

The financial district was packed full of what my friend loves to call 'soap dodgers'. Some wore masks and costumes, but plenty were clearly happy to have their faces seen. The walls were plastered with graffiti, flour and eggs were thrown and punches were exchanged.

The police who were clearly aware that the world's media had their cameras pointed at them, were left in an unenviable position. Whether they agree with the subject of the protests or not, their job is to maintain order. Without doubt many of the officers on duty were relishing the chance to use their batons. All those months of training must generate a desire to taste a little bit of violence.

Blood was certainly spilled. When the protesters made a rush to push inside the RBS building, the police responded with force. Zero tolerance indeed.

Yet, many people in the area were there to just observe. The curiosity of the public added to the numbers. The problem came in that once you were in the vicinity, it was outright impossible to get out. Perimeters were set up and moving anywhere became incredibly difficult.

Kate Nash and Russell Brand were amongst the celebrities trying to get their faces noticed. Nothing like a protest to aid the PR.

But the underlying feel was that the British certainly didn't want to embarrass themselves in front of the new President. If something had happened the repercussions would have been immense. Obama, today speaking at the Excel Centre in East London, will have security to the maximum. He is a likeable lad so far, so let's see what he can do first before we make a mess.

Bankers beware though. The public wants more blood. The media has generated a campaign of anger against you, so use caution until the mood has calmed.

The Floods! The Floods!

Not sure I am keen on these 'artist impression' photos of possible floods in London.

Where is the safest place to be? In one of the London Eyes pods? Or would that mean you get dunked every 45 minutes?

They look like images from disaster movies - with the magical words 'global warning' attached. I am sure there will be some kind of flood-prevention tax introduced at some point. You know...just in case. With all the imminent threats in dear old London town it's a beautiful way for our farcical government to sting more money out of it's citizens.

Scientists love a prediction. And who am I to question what Nostradamus got right or wrong?

But then wasn't the world supposed to end a few years back. Methinks not.

Jade Goody I Hear You Say. Meh!

OK first lets get something straight. I am not a heartless bastard. In fact inside this slightly frightening shell, lives a sensitive soul. I am not devoid of basic human emotions. And yet, I felt something potentially strange today.

I was watching a TV show about an orangutan sanctuary. Those amazing creatures with the crazy, red wispy hair. The premise of the show was that the rainforest in Borneo is being destroyed - along with it the orangutans habitat - so some kindly people have set up a place to shelter, raise and rehabilitate them.

The cogs in my brain started to turn - I want to do that! I want to go and help orangutans. Something productive. Something good. Until...I saw the fact that quite often these orangutans die. The sight of one not waking up from a tranquiliser dart was sad enough. How would I cope seeing one who has starved to death or been killed during the destruction of the trees? Not brilliantly I thought.

Then it really hit home. I felt sadder about these monkeys dying than I did about the death of Jade Goody. I'm sure I am not the only one.

I have never been one to accept the celebrity death stories with any real emotion. That is unless they meant something to me. Princess Di is a fine example. Plenty of people cried but I couldn't relate to it. I didn't know her and didn't feel connected to her. When Jade died, I didn't have any feelings on it whatsoever.

So...please nobody send me any more Jade Goody sympathy group requests on Facebook. She was not an icon and she did not have talent. Millions of people have died from cancer - and I don't doubt for one second they had more dignity or ability than Jade. To idolise such a person indicates a shocking perspective on your world.

Maybe my twisted viewpoint stems from seeing someone who had a chance to help herself and didn't.

After all...the orangutans can't help themselves can they.

Great Quote #16

"Anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone driving faster than you is a maniac." - George Carlin

The Times They Are A- Changing

Feedback has come flying in about the blog and so I've decided to make a few alterations.

Firstly, the sports pieces and predictions will be moving to an as yet untitled new blog. By having a dedicated sporting blog, Quote The Raven can explore more topics. There will be increased coverage on travel. There will also be more ramblings on my part about everyday life. More reflections on news and media events too.

Something that was also mentioned was for me to include more of my own humour. "Now you are all just asking for trouble", I thought. To unleash such a thing on a public forum is a bit dicey. But your wish is my command, so I apologise in advance if any of it offends. Well it's an empty apology in truth. It just seemed courteous as I was typing it.

Another objective is to increase the amount of film and music reviews. So far I have watched more movies and listened to more albums than I can count. It's bad on my part that I haven't expressed my opinion on them.

The 'Hammer to the Heart' category will also move over to the sports blog. In the next couple of days I will have set it up and named it - then it will be linked on the side to make it easily accessible.

On a final note - many thanks to everyone who has taken time to read my blog roll. I hope it has kept you amused. Please don't forget I am also working on 'The Valderrama Drama' - a blog dedicated to Colombia and Latin America.

Rugby - Six Nations 2009 Predictions Week 5

Predictions for this week need to improve after getting the final game wrong last week.

Italy vs France - France to win
England vs Scotland - England to win
Wales vs Ireland - Wales to win

Premier League Predictions - 21/22 Mar 2009

After the shock result at Old Trafford last week, the title race suddenly looks interesting again. Liverpool outperformed Man Utd in every area of the park. The Champions League draw has also been made and the tension between the 'big four' is only set to increase. At the other end of the table - West Brom look doomed. The other two relegation spots could be filled by another of the teams in the lower half - making this the most exciting run-in for years.

Predictions for this week:

Portsmouth vs Everton

Both teams have depleted squads and one team certainly needs the results more than the other. Portsmouth have to win. To get relegated after last year's successful season would be a rapid fall. Caretaker manager Paul Hart doesn't inspire the much confidence - they need to make impactful changes and fast. Everton are caught in limbo - rooted to sixth place - but with Villa faltering they may see a chance to capitalise here.

Prediction: Portsmouth 1 Everton 2

Blackburn vs West Ham

The reverse fixture was fuelled by the return of Paul Ince to Upton Park - and that was enough for the Hammers to dish out a 4-1 thumping. Blackburn will be a tougher prospect and a win gives them a cushion from the bottom clubs. West Ham were woeful against West Brom. They have an injury-hit squad and lack size and experience.

Prediction: Blackburn 2 West Ham 0

Fulham vs Manchester United

Fulham are probably too good to go down this year - so they afford to face the backlash of a very angry United side. The humiliation last week will have Ferguson's team looking to display the quality that had every team in the world fearing them. Without Clint Dempsey, Fulham look a less-threatening outfit and I don't expect them to get anything from this.

Prediction: Fulham 0 Manchester United 3

Newcastle vs Arsenal

The good news for Arsenal is that Arshavin has begun to settle in nicely. But just when you think the Gunners are returning to form - they hit a slump. Newcastle are hardly frightening opponents but with Kevin Nolan returning to the side - they will be very physical. Arsenal do not like physicality and that could see them miss out on all three points.

Prediction: Newcastle 1 Arsenal 1

Stoke vs Middlesbrough

Is it too soon to be talking of six pointers? I don't think so. This is crucial for both to take the win. Boro have been playing better but Stoke are very difficult to break down at home. Currently occupying two of the relegation places this could be the game that carries one club to safety. Expect Stoke to turn this into a scrappy encounter.

Prediction: Stoke 1 Middlesbrough 0

Tottenham vs Chelsea

Spurs are stringing some results together. An excellent win away to Villa almost writes them out of the relegation battle. Redknapp has the weapons at his disposal - he just needs to make them gel. Chelsea having witness Man Utd slip up - have the extra motivation to chase them down. They usually defeat Spurs but this could end in a stalemate.

Prediction: Tottenham 2 Chelsea 2

West Brom vs Bolton

Virtually everyone has written West Brom off now. They have nothing to lose anymore. In fairness to them they have stuck to their playing philosophy. The bore-draw against West Ham last week summed them up - they just don't take their chances. Bolton are a strong team and will use their muscling tactics to get the win.

Prediction: West Brom 1 Bolton 2

Liverpool vs Aston Villa

A few months back this would have been a blistering fixture. But now Liverpool are on fire and Villa have gone off the boil. Destroying Man Utd and Real Madrid is a huge confidence booster. For the first time - Martin O'Neill is hearing boos from his home fans - possibly the price of false expectation. Liverpool are too good right now.

Prediction: Liverpool 2 Aston Villa 0

Manchester City vs Sunderland

Everytime I look at Man City I think home match - win, away match loss. The richest club in the world have not improved on last season. In fact they have been really disappointing. Sunderland have played well of late - with results good enough to move up a few places. It will simply come down to who wants it most. And for that reason I think it has draw written all over it.

Prediction: Manchester City 1 Sunderland 1

Wigan vs Hull

These two teams lit up the league pre-Christmas with their guile and ambition. Since then it's been mostly bad. Wigan picked up a good away win last week and now look safe. Hull on the other hand could represent the most spectacular fall in the history of football. Winning today puts a temporary stop to Phil Brown's worries. Should be a lively and entertaining match up. Wigan smashed Hull earlier in the season.

Prediction: Wigan 2 Hull 1

Corden Stands Out At Comic Relief

Whilst the purpose of Comic Relief's Red Nose Day can never be called into question - the actual night of entertainment ranged between awful to truly awful.

Of course the way the event raises awareness for the plight of children overseas and at home is not just commendable but essential. The millions of pounds raised will go to worthwhile projects in education, hospitals and homes. Such a shame that the governments of these countries allow things to even get to this point.

But going back to the 'comedy' I want to make a couple of points. Little Britain and Catherine Tate have long outstayed their welcome. I don't want to call their humour uneducated because it clearly has a market. But as most of the night was spent resorting to 'fart' jokes I could barely raise a chuckle.

I will say that Lenny Henry is a far better person when he talks about serious issues or acts in dramas. He isn't anywhere near as funny as he thinks he is.

So the standout performance of the night - Essex boy James Corden. He has emerged as a far more original entertainer than any of his slim counterparts. The way he ripped into the England national team was priceless - with Beckham struggling to keep a straight face throughout. Check out the clip on Youtube - James Corden and the England team. Never would an England manager been so motivational!

Gervais and Merchant were funny too - they are an incredible tandem, masterfully sending up their own reputations.

As for the rest, oh dear. Pitiful.

I'll focus on the positive - they raised a hell of a lot of money. Maybe I'm just too harsh.

Great Quote #15

"Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world." - Nelson Mandela

Mood Music - 14 Mar 2009

"Standing Next To Me" by The Last Shadow Puppets from the album The Age of the Understatement.

Rugby - Six Nations 2009 Predictions Week 4

The Six Nations has so far brought the best and worst out of the competing teams. My original pick Ireland have pulled away as the only unbeaten team and should continue that streak this week. Wales and France are not far behind them and will be expecting to finish the weekend with victories. England are just not performing - as disappointing as it is - they're simply not a good team. Scotland and Italy are rooted to the bottom as we've come to expect in recent years.

Predictions for Week 4 are as follows:

Italy vs Wales - Wales to win
Scotland vs Ireland - Ireland to win
England vs France - France to win

Could all three away teams win?

Premier League Predictions - 14-16 Mar 2009

Unfortunately due to time restrictions I have to make the predictions a little shorter than usual. Plenty of cracking games over the weekend - none bigger than Liverpool's trip to Man Utd.

Arsenal vs Blackburn

Prediction: Arsenal 2 Blackburn 1

Bolton vs Fulham

Prediction: Bolton 2 Fulham 0

Everton vs Stoke

Prediction: Everton 1 Stoke 0

Hull vs Newcastle

Prediction: Hull 2 Newcastle 2

Manchester United vs Liverpool

Prediction: Man Utd 2 Liverpool 0

Middlesbrough vs Portsmouth

Prediction: Middlesbrough 2 Portsmouth 0

Sunderland vs Wigan

Prediction: Sunderland 2 Wigan 1

Aston Villa vs Tottenham

Prediction: Aston Villa 1 Tottenham 2

Chelsea vs Manchester City

Prediction: Chelsea 2 Manchester City 0

West Ham vs West Brom

Prediction: West Ham 2 West Brom 1

In Memory of Andres Escobar

I just thought I would write a brief piece about Andres Escobar.

Today being March 13 would have been Escobar's 42nd birthday. Unfortunately, the former Colombian international footballer was killed aged just 27.

I don't want to make this a piece about crime or corruption but to just reflect upon his life.

Escobar is still held in the highest regard by the club he spent so many years with - Atletico Nacional. He only left them for one season - for Swiss team Young Boys.

As a commanding presence in defence he achieved some major honours - including the Colombian Championship in 1991. His biggest success came in 1989 when he won both the Copa America - with possibly the greatest Colombian national team - and the Copa Interamericana with Atletico in a win over UNAM Pumas.

Leading up to the 1994 World Cup - Colombia were hotly tipped to go far - with an incredible 5-0 thrashing of Argentina in qualifying.

Ultimately, that World Cup ended in tragic results with an Escobar own goal - which in turn resulted in his assassination.

But Andres Escobar was an athlete. He was a patriot. And with complimetary nicknames such as Gentleman Giant and Football's Knight - he is sorely missed. 120,000 people attending his funeral was proof of that.

Sport is supposed to transcend borders, politics and cultures. Football especially. Escobar deserved a longer career and the footballing world is a sadder place to have been deprived of his abilities.

£5 - Are You Having A Laugh??

I loved this letter sent to the Guardian so much - that I have to include it in the blog. I completely agree with the writer.

"I'm driving along the road and I see a large poster on a hoarding. It's telling me that if I open a Halifax Reward Current Account, for every month that I pay in £1000, they will give me £5. Yes, five whole pounds. The jaw drops and stays there. What enormous cheek. How poor, crushed, grovelling and simple do the Halifax think we are, to be grateful for £5? This is the outfit that had Nick Hornby as chief executive, whose salary was £1.9m, pension £2.4m, and who has earned £60,000 as a consultant since leaving. He probably doesn't know what £5 is. It's a single digit. But most of us know what £5 from the Halifax is. It's an insult."

- Michelle Hanson

Brilliant, Michelle. I don't think any of us could have said it better.

Madrid Fights Littering

Madrid is clamping down on litter-bugs - with a whole new set of fines designed to put the public off dropping anything on the floor.

And how do they intend on enforcing this? The answer would be a team of 300 'rubbish' police. I know, I know - you are thinking all police are rubbish. The joke is too easy. But these officers have the specific duty to patrol the streets looking for anyone littering.

On the spot fines of up to 750 Euros for those caught in the act - and the same penalty for any household not sorting out the recyclables when they put out their rubbish.

Dog-walkers are hit even harder - with a fine of 1500 Euros - if they fail to pick up the turd. Anyone caught peeing in public - say goodbye to 1500 Euros too.

Banksy had better avoid a trip to the Spanish capital - with a fine now of 3000 Euros for anyone caught spraying graffiti.

And for the most absurd of the rulings - any poor or homeless person caught rummaging through bins for leftovers - yep... a hefty fine for you too.

Insomniac Britain

I thought the recent poll in the Daily Telegraph was a sign of the times. I'm not usually one to put much faith in polls as I have never been asked to participate - but some results can be interesting.

Apparently - 79% of Britons say they would rather have a good night's sleep than have sex with their partner.

70% have trouble sleeping - and 25% would call themselves insomniacs. That's a big percentage.

Is it the modern culture of work-related stress in our country? Or even financial worries?

Maybe more can be attributed to the fact people have the Internet - and sites such as Twitter, Facebook and Myspace have created a generation of networking addicts.

Sarah Woods & Juliana Gomez

Tuesday night I had the pleasure of meeting Sarah Woods - author of the Bradt Colombia travel guide.

Sarah is a freelance travel writer and winner of numerous travel writing awards so it was a great opportunity to learn not only about her craft - but mainly about the wonder that is - Colombia.

You will find that I am going to be writing more frequently about the country with the slogan - "The only risk is wanting to stay!"

Sarah travelled independently and extensively - from the colonial coastal town of Cartagena to the salsa city of Cali, and from the idyllic San Andres archipelago all the way down through the Amazon.

The truth is - perception and reality can be two different things. Colombia of course has a past - and one more recent than here in Europe - but it is forward thinking, positive and embracing change.

Sarah described how life-enriching it was to experience Colombian hospitality. She is now based in Spain but from time to time takes groups out to show them what made her fall in love with this largely undiscovered land in South America.

As well as championing Colombia to people within Europe she also sponsors an SOS village for orphaned children in the capital city - Bogota.

Her advice to me has been invaluable and I thank her for sharing her knowledge.

Also at the meeting was Juliana Gomez of Proexport Colombia and she gave some really funny stories as well as recommendations. Not only have I now got an endless list of places to see - over all terrains - mountains, jungle, beach and city - but I have an insight to the humour and warmth of the people.

Both have given realistic and inspiring information to me - and I hope I can continue the message they have started.

Thriller? More Like 'Bad'

Spent three hours yesterday morning attempting to buy Michael Jackson tickets.

After various network crashes, server failures and incorrect password messages - I finally gave up.

It says something about the appeal of Wacko Jacko that makes millions of people scrap for tickets.

The O2 Arena will be the host of ten gigs - the likelihood is more dates will be added - or he will collapse after two and the rest will be cancelled.

For me it wasn't really about seeing a sideshow freak. And since mentioning the desire to obtain tickets I have been met with standard responses along the lines of criticising his appearance and his past misdemeanours. I just love his music.

Such is Jackson's back-catalogue that he needn't write a new song till the day he dies. If he was performing a new album people would probably feel short-changed. Everybody wants to see the classics.

No doubt the touts will have got their grubby little hands on tickets - and I can expect to see them on eBay or other ticket sites with mark ups so high you would get altitude sickness. Touting is something of a British/American industry - visits to other countries have shown me its just not so common.

As I resigned myself to having zero joy in getting tickets yesterday - I tried to look at the positives - saving £50 - £75 being one of them. Yet I remain hopeful he will add more dates.